The road woes
+ I take my cycle to school. I approach a crossroad; a bus swerves from the right to the left extreme left of the road, close enough to flick me. Someone from inside the bus stretches his hand to take off my cap. I am glad my cap stays tight. No one says a word. They are all just like me, Indians. This is a common sight for us.
+ Another fateful Monday, I am in white school uniform, heading to school. Someone from the bus spits out his tobacco, randomly. And luck has it that the red spit of his lands on my shirt. No one says a word. No sympathy for me, this is a common occurrence, I was there at the wrong place. I will soon live with it.
+ I realize it is a bad idea to venture out on rainy days. One is sure to get mud all over the dress, thanks to the holes in the road and our dear artistic bus drivers.
+ I understand it is not safe on the road. There is nothing called a lane system here.
+ Sometimes I get so freaked, I know no one would blame me if they also saw a huge truck coming straight at me, on my ‘correct’ side of the road.
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+ I would think thrice before I take my girlfriend to the beach. For I am sure there would be some lolling tongue that would comment on her. I am just reconciled to the fact that there is no concept of solitude here!
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+ Every time I say goodbye to a friend who takes his/her bike, I offer a prayer that they reach safe. Never have I been sure that it would happen. I am not scared; I have just come to terms with lack of rules at the roads.
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The Indian real-idiot-box
+ I switch on the TV, there are ads that I don’t like, especially the one where a guy gets a deodorant out and the servant women feels him all over. If there ever was a desperate woman, this would be one.
+ I change the channels and I see our super action hero taking his 150 cc bike, with no helmet, jumping red signals and speed limits at will. The heroin behind him removes her veil and lets if fly, not caring about it falling on the path of those behind her. What love indeed!!
+ I change channels again and there is an hour show on what is going on in the world of films. Who kissed who, and who slept with who are the hot topics here. Sportsmen are not spared either, every word they utter is scrutinized and each one of their gestures is interpreted a million bad ways.
+ I don’t watch Indian channels anymore.
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It is an open secret
+ I would gladly give a couple of hundreds for not wearing a helmet, five hundred for not wearing my seat belt, a thousand for crossing the red light and a thousand more to close a case, if I banged my car and killed someone. It is so easy here, in India.
+ I go to the police station, to report the loss of my bike, and I am treated like a criminal myself. I make a follow up trip a week later and I am reasoned out that people lose their cars and houses and a bike ain’t such a great loss.
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We are used to all this now
+ I take up the newspapers, and the first item that catches my eyes is the picture of death, a burning van, a child – crying as his legs were severed from the explosion. I read of parliamentary bitching everywhere. I read of shameless ministers who jump from party to party, all of them with often conflicting ideologies. I read of deceitful men, who call themselves as saints on the outside and are sex addicts inside their so called hermitages.
+ I don’t read the papers anymore.
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+ I take my friends to a hotel. I order lunch and wait half an hour for it to arrive. I don’t complain about the extra salt or the lack of salt or how hot or cold the food is. What can I expect, if I complained a fly fell in my soup I would have to drink it with the knowledge that the waiter picked it out with his bare hands!
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+ I can apply for any certification that I want. Be it birth, death, educational degree, marriage, passport, voting id, ration card. All could all be done by spending extra money. There is no waiting period for those who choose to be smart and bribe. I am smart, I bribe.
+ I live in Gandhian land, where the man in white and white is the most respected. He is also the most powerful.
+ I need a job, no problem; I just gather up a few lack of rupees and land it into his hands, I get settled for life – a job in the government.
+ I need to enrol myself in some college; I gather up some money and give it to him.
+ I need to escape the law; I flash a photograph of myself with him, or show his visiting card. He would save me, as long as I would pay him his cut dutifully!
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+ I am an Indian I endure it all. I don’t comment when someone spits on the road. I act as if I don’t notice when I see them throw litter on every empty land available. I would keep silent even if someone killed my brother and threw him into one of those pits. I would bribe anyone for I have no other choice if I need my work to be done. I am not surprised when the leader of my clan cheats his followers. I don’t stop anyone when they are busy abusing my women folk.
+ I would not dare stop them, for I fear that if I did, It would be me who gets thrown in the pit and one of my Indian brothers who would watch me silently from above.
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I am an Indian, and I am not proud of it.
(The author does not like to disclose his identity. Content slightly edited.)
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